Goodbye my Angel - Rest In Peace

This is a sad post.  I can barely write it through my tears but there are people who should know and i cant keep speaking about it.  I've cried so much my eyes are almost swollen shut and i need to recover and move on not just for myself but for Tom and Hubby.  Our hearts are broken in our little family.  Last night we had to make the decision to euthanize our darling Peppy.   I wrote There is an Angel in my Home way back in February.  I guess to understand our grief you would need to read how much this little dog meant to us.  He was so much more than just a pet. He was our child and gave us so much love and comfort through many difficult times for 11 years.

He was taken to the vet for tests because it was mentioned a few months ago after he had his teeth cleaned that he displayed symptoms of Cushings Disease and that we should have him tested within 6 months.  While we were away he was drinking large volumes of water and uncharacteristically urinating in the house. I wasn't sure if it was just the stress of our absence.  So just to be safe i took him to the vet.  The result was positive but also showed that he had critical diabetes brought on by the Cushings and would require twice daily injections and extreme monitoring everyday for the rest of his life, starting today.  Treating both at the same time was going to require almost full time care and once the inflated cortisone caused by the disease abated he would then require treatment for arthritis as well.  

So what do you do.  Do you think about yourself and your need for him or do you think about his quality of life and a future of vet visits, probably blindness, twice daily injections that would require two people so someone could hold him down, daily pills which he usually spits out or vomits.  All so that we could hang onto him for a few more years.  

In the end it was Tom who made the decision.  It was his dog after all.  He comforted us, talked us through the decision that we all knew must be made, asked us to leave, stayed with Peppy till the very end, arranged the cremation, chose a box and then using my card, paid the bill.   I know he is as heart broken as us and I've seen the pain in his eyes but he had this ability to compartmentalise his emotions when needed and put them aside whereas I'm so fully immersed in them that i cant find my way.   So thank you my wonderful son.  Mum and Dad really needed you this time.  

So here i am today, off work, trying to pull myself together.  Hubby had to work but i know he is hurting just as much.  Peppy wasn't there beside my bed last night. I couldn't hear is gentle snore.  He wasn't there at 5.30 at my feet in the kitchen hoping for a piece of cold meat.  He isn't under the desk right now sleeping on my feet while i try to type this post.   He's just gone.  Just like that.  One day here and the next day not.

So farewell my darling boy.  We will all miss you very very much.

  Thank you to my friends and family for your blessings.