Zen Teachings - So many truths (the laugh is a bonus)

I was sent this today at work and it certainly made me smile while also acknowledging that there is certainly some truth in some of them.  Enjoy.

ZEN TEACHINGS 

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.

Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.

Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.

In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important

unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you pass wind.

4. Always remember you're unique.

Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether

you're alive or dead, try missing

a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone,

you should walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them,

you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed,

skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.

Teach him how to fish, and he will

sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that

person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth,

you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog,

some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry; it only

seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ..

and most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories

for arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't

learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't

get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry,

and get slapped on our arse -

then things just keep getting worse.

20. Never under any circumstances take a

sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

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