Noelle's Funny - Older People Tell It Like It Is

George Phillips, an elderly man.  was  going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who  asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing  from me."

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your  doors and an officer will be along when one is available"
George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't  have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six police cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot  them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" (True  Story) 




The following maybe a little un-PC but hey, I'm just the conduit for spreading Noelle's special brand of humour.  She is likely to come out with something like this on any given day and i certainly wouldn't start an argument with her.  I respect her age and her right to damn well express her opinion whenever it suits. 

Taking down the bird feeder

This is the best analogy yet!

             

  I bought a bird feeder. 

 I hung It on my back porch and filled it with seed.

What a beauty of a bird feeder it was, as I filled it, lovingly with seed.

Within a week we had hundreds of birds
taking advantage of the continuous flow

of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio,

above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop.  It was

everywhere: on the patio tile,
the chairs, the table...
Everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean.

They would dive bomb me and try

to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And others birds were boisterous and loud.

They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the

day and night and demanded I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my

own back porch anymore.  So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the

birds were gone.  I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests

they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used

to be... quiet, serene....
And no one demanding their
rights to a free meal.

Now let's see...
Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing,

free medical care and free education, and allows anyone
born here to be an automatic Citizen.

Then the illegal's came by the tens of thousands. 

Suddenly, our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments
are housing 5 families; you have to wait

6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's second grade

class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box;

I have to 'press one' to hear my bank
talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than 'Old Glory' are
squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for

the government to take down the bird feeder.
If you agree, then spread the word; if not,
just continue cleaning up the poop.

Thanks for Visiting - Living In the Land of Oz.