Monday, 22 April 2013

Noelle's Funnies - Laughing with you not At you!

I am not being disrespectful, honest.  I'm claiming immunity from judgement for posting disparaging jokes about old people.  What i am doing is giving one very funny 70ish friend a platform to amuse herself, me and others.  Laugh Away (and please don't take offence).

An elderly woman called 000 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her her situation to the dispatcher."they've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" She cried.

 The dispatcher said "stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." he says. "She got in the back seat by mistake."

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.

 One said:" sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in,"yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

 The third one responded: "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood!" as she rapped her knuckles on the table. Then said:" That must be the door. I'll get it!"

Read this slowly and scroll down for answer to each question. 
Our Yearly Dementia Test 

It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it!
Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.
   Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not.
The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?



:  'bread.'  If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else..
Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

 Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?



: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World.
However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?


: Greenhouses are made from glass.
  If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these???  If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.

4.  Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from  London     to 
Milford Haven in  Wales     ..
   In  London     , 17 people get on the bus.
In  Reading     ,
6 people get off the bus and 9
people get on.
   Swindon , 2 people get off and 4
get on.
In  Cardiff     ,
11 people get off and 16
people get on.
In  Swansea     ,
3 people get off and 5
people get on.
In Carmathen,
6 people get off and 3
get on.
You then arrive at Milford Haven


Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?


: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own age?

It was YOU driving the bus!! 
If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

Thanks for visiting Living In The Land of Oz - And Noelle's Funnies


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