The Good Wife's Guide ???

OK, I'm opening this wild card up for discussion.  Everyone has their opinions and some quite strongly but I've found recently that your opinions change with the seasons throughout your life.  There were times when i would have read this article (in full below) and had steam coming out my ears and would have been fully prepared to go to battle over my rights as woman.  But now.....  I can see merit in some of it.

Even though i work full time to support my family i occasionally wish that i had other choices and that perhaps being a full time homemaker might have its attractions.  Maybe the balance I'm seeking is in part time work so i can enjoy both worlds or maybe I'm longing for those "golden years" of retirement when i see myself working in my garden, being a homemaker, actively contributing to my community and surrounding myself with loved ones.   Sounds a bit like Rhonda and Hanno, doesn't it?  Such good role models. 

Sorry Jessie - only joking. 

I'm going to keep saying this but this is how i feel NOW.  It may change tomorrow, i know it was certainly different ten years ago. Its a woman's prerogative to change her mind, isn't it?   My Hubby gave me the option many years ago when he was earning a large income to stay at home but i chose to work, not being able to see THEN an alternative.  I wasn't ready yet.  I'm now approaching 50 and perhaps its a menopausal symptom, this restlessness for a different kind of life or i could be just plain tired. 

I follow lots of blogs with women who are homemakers and they certainly don't seem to resent their choice.  On the contrary, many of them are basking in the glory of it and singing its praises to the world.  They are from mixed generations and at various stages of their lives.  Many are influence by their ecological choices and their desire for self sustainability.  I know as peak oil approaches very quickly that we will all have to make changes in how we live our lives daily, both inside and outside the home.

But what does Peak Oil have to do with a woman's role?

Is being a homemaker a choice that the women of today and the next will see as being (oooh  what's the word I'm searching for..)  valuable, fulfilling or even a choice?  Why have i automatically assumed that the homemaker of tomorrow has to be the woman and not a man?  Have we moved on from the traditional roles or are we still guided by them? Have we gone past the era where the one who earns the income has the power?  I'm not so sure.  I'd like to think that in a healthy relationship both men and women respect each others roles and garner equal measure to them?  I'm not so sure that there are too many healthy relationships out there.    

I want to discuss this intelligently (if that's possible).  I'm not a psychologist or a social commentator.  I have no training in the women's movement.  I haven't even read their so called bibles (The Female Eunuch, The Feminine Mystique etc).  I'm just an average woman who has probably been a little too influenced by the media over the years to believe what my role should be IE. totally manipulated and I've probably never taken the time to think too hard about it.  Maybe now I'm feeling restless because i am thinking about it. Should i stop thinking or should i start making my own choices instead of being a willing participant of the global push towards earning more and more to spend, spend, spend so that someone else can get rich while i keep on slogging away perpetuating the cycle. 

I don't think I'm the only one thinking out loud these days.  The following was taken from a post today from my friend, rabidlittlehippy.  She is the Earth Mother personified and as you'll see I'm not the only one confused.  I know she'll find the right balance and that Allegra will grow to be a amazing woman like her mum. 

Allegra is my little domestic queen already. Part of me loves it but part of me also rebels against it on her behalf. There’s a little bit of the feminist in us all these days I think and as much as I choose to manage our home I have also got many more opportunities and freedom than my foremothers (well, it’s not forefathers is it?) ever had. I want my daughter to have those same freedoms but I also want to raise her to appreciate housekeeping and homemaking for what it is, not just as it is sometimes thought of in modern times. It’s a fine line I guess and one I need to tread around carefully . I want my sons to learn these things too.

http://rabidlittlehippy.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/i-love-my-early-mornings-and-more-of-course/#more-1617

Lucky Allegra, Jas and Orik.  To have such free thinking parents that will give them all the information and positive examples they need to make informed choices in their lives.   If these children grow up to see the value and joy that their parent take in homemaking and creating their own piece of self-sufficient paradise then wont they see it as a pleasure and not a chore to work in and around the home.  They wont automatically think to hire someone to do small jobs or buy things.  They'll think "I'll do it, I'll make it" and by "they" i mean Allegra as well. 

OK, before you read the offending article (or perhaps you couldn't wait and have already done so) i think that some of the suggestions are not so bad.  The part that's wrong is that its all focused on the needs of the man and not the family as a whole.  Eg.  Having a meal prepared that is planned is good for everyone not just the returning wage earner.  You should be happy to see your husband and listen to him but so should he be happy to see you and listen to you.  I wouldn't go so far to arrange his pillow and take his shoes off.  Poooey - he can do that himself, preferably outside, and put the socks in the laundry basket (like that's going to happen).

A woman should know her place, not only in the home but also outside of it.  It should be standing right beside her partner on equal terms giving as much as she is receiving.  She should feel valued and fulfilled and so should he.  I think that it needs to be an on going conversation between them as what we value as individuals changes at different times in our lives.

One more thought, before i leave this with you.  During our wedding ceremony, my brother-in-law said something that really stuck with me and its something i keep coming back to.  It is the responsibility of both partners in a marriage or relationship to ask themselves this question, often. 

"Is their life better for you being a part of It?"

Here Goes!

The Good Wife's Guide - Housekeeping Monthly - May 13, 1955

* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

* Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

* Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

* Be happy to see him.

* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

* Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

* Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

* Your goal: To try and make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

* Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

* Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

* A good wife always knows her place.

I know that i always ask for comments, but i genuinely want to know your opinion.  That means those of the younger generation as well.  I'd really love to hear from someone who lived through the 1950's  when this guide was published.  What was the response from women?

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